Monday, December 13, 2010

On Tantrums and such

They're cute aren't they? They are two of the sweetest girls you will ever meet. My Talia and Liliana. They are kind and helpful. They are smart and curious. They are thoughtful and creative. They also challenge me to no end. Today was a hard day being their Mama. Don't get me wrong. I love being a Mom but it can be at times very challenging and very refining. Today was filled with whining, arguing, dragging of feet to finish chores and work, not sharing, not napping, not listening....and it goes on and on. There were some sweet moments but at the end of the day I feel exhausted and a bit defeated.
My youngest Liliana has been going through a very independent, strong willed, and stubborn phase which I would imagine many would suggest is simply a case of the "terrible twos". I see it as much more than that. Liliana is testing boundaries and trying hard to gain her own independence that is true. However I feel like I have also been given a glimpse into her own sinful nature. When I give instructions for her to obey she disobeys. When I tell her to clean up she whines. Basically you name the task and she wants to do it her way and if she can't she cries and tells me a sharp "No!". As I work through teaching her first time obedience God has shown me the ugliness of my own sad and sinful heart. While I often like to hide behind the illusion that my life including my parenting is perfect the truth of the matter is I struggle and I'm a sinner. The beautiful news is that I'm not going through this life alone! While God continues to gently show me the real state of my heart, He is also patiently showing me that He is there right next to me. You see I am often like my two year old...whining, disobeying, tantruming because I want what I want when I want it. I don't want to wait for God's timing, I don't want to allow Him to have control, I want to plan and do things my own way. How many times do I tell God "No!". Sadly far too many.....The more that I am a parent the more I see my own sin and the more I see my own need to be on my knees asking the Lord for help, encouragement, and His wisdom.
As I parent these two beautiful girls that the Lord has so graciously entrusted to me I pray that the Lord would change me. I pray that He would make me more like Him and less like me. I'm praying that through the tantrums He would give me His heart for my children, His patience, His love, and His grace.
Thankful that tomorrow is a new day!

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